When I was a little girl, I was taught that if I didn't have the right answer I should keep my mouth shut. I was also taught that I had better have an answer. Fear was the basis on which my upbringing was cultivated on. I learned quickly that life was a very scary place full of dangers at every turn. I came to believe that my fear would protect me, and like a blanket I would hold it close to me at all times. I would snuggle it when I was alone, assuring myself that it would keep me from heartache. I would use it to keep me at a distance from others that potentially could cause me harm - even if that harm was non-existent. It was what formed the foundation of my strength and determination. I was able to move mountains using my fear as a tool.
The more I used it like this, the stronger my fear became. I would hear quotes like "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" and wonder why something so powerful could be so negative. I didn't see fear as something bad. I believed it was my force, what made others reckon with me, and as a friend of mine put it once "a realistic point of view". I didn't see it as something that was holding me back. I have lived for years with this idea planted deeply into my being.
Recently, as I have been doing a lot of internal work for growth, I realize how mistaken I was with this point of view. I see how I have been standing on an edge, keeping myself alone and "disabled" because of the fear I held so closely. So what does one do with something, or someone, that they believed so strongly in, so completely? How does a person take back their power and give themselves the chance they really deserve to be the magnificent being they were born to be?
I believe it is one simple answer. Forgiveness.
Do not mistake my words and interpret the simplicity of the answer as if the action of doing so were equally uncomplicated. Indeed it is a strenuous path full of obstacles for which you must be prepared to handle. You have to wear boots - so to speak. These boots can come in many forms, but I think willingness is the best. Every person has to decide which style of boots fit them best. By using willingness to forgive I am finding the task more accessible to obtain. At first I had to be willing to be willing to forgive, now, I am finding that I can forgive much more readily.
By being willing, it gives me courage to face my fears. We all remember that courage is not a lack of fear, but a willingness to do what is necessary in spite of it. I tell my children when they are afraid that they cannot have courage without having fear first. Willingness takes us from the standpoint of fear and allows us to become courageous.
Keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean condonation. One does not say to any kind of injury or insult, "It's ok that you did this." It only is allowing yourself to let go of the pain. It is reclaiming your power. You do not have to allow something to continue by forgiving it, in fact - it ends it. It gives you the ability to move on from that injury, even if it was a self inflicted one. It helps you to allow better things into your life. When you hold on to fear, and the experience that caused it, you are inviting it to happen over and over. You are keeping yourself in a state of turmoil, which in turn results in so many unpleasantries to grow within your own life, and into your environment. Holding onto your fear, creates the world that makes you afraid.
So forgive yourself first for the fear you have. Let it all go so that you can embrace the love you deserve. This is where it has to begin, and with that effort it will trickle down to all others, and you will find yourself forgiving them too. I know I am learning how to do that right now, and I feel so grateful for the experience. Loving myself by forgiving myself is the best thing I can do right now to change the world into something I enjoy living in.
It is the best thing you can do as well. I know you can do it, I dare you to try.
You might wonder how to make this change when you have lived so long in fear. I needed help too. If you need help to start this process, I would advise that you try EFT. Brad Yates is the "eftwizard" on Youtube. His videos cover just about anything you might be feeling, and I really enjoy his mannerism in which he projects the wisdom he is sharing. He gives you time to work with him in the video, as if he were right there with you. Since I started working with his videos I have been able to grow in a direction I wanted - at my own desired pace.
Best Wishes and Peace be with you.
